Gosh Darn it!
by Dancing Feather
Summary: There are a lot of people who aren't happy with the English version of Inuyasha. Understandable. But what some of them fail to realize, is that they should be thankful that 4kids or Foxkids didn't get a hold of it. :oneshot:


This is in honor of Pokemon, Beauty and Warrior, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Digimon and every other anime that had trashy translations, dumb dubs, and completely censored episodes. The only way to buy the original anime is to order it overseas or get an illegal copy. If you are not familiar with what happened to those shows you will not get all the jokes. On another note (I don't know if the pun is intended), if you see any spelling errors or the like, please feel free to correct me. Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha.

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**Gosh Darn It!**

Inuyasha finally made to your country dubbed with your language. In excited bliss, you turn on your television and wait for the commercials to finish playing. Sitting on your couch Saturday morning, this is what you have been waiting for...

The opening credits are played by an English band you never heard of with no actual credits running because that stuff is saved for at the end of the episode, you don't care about who worked so hard to keep you entertained anyways. Also, the original opening is completely different. What originally was Kagome flying in the sky is all been replaced by scenes in the actual show.

_Welcome to a magical world,  
Inuyasha!  
Where your friend is part human, part dog,__Inuyasha!  
He's everyone's best friend,  
Inuyasha!  
He's gonna rid the world of The Evil Nacho! And collect the pieces of the Rainbow Jewel,  
Inuyasha! Inuyasha! Inuyasha!_

Just when you thought they couldn't murder the name enough, the show starts.

There is the sounds of crashing in a forest area. Suddenly, the camera swoops in and shows Inuyasha trashing the village as usual. "Ahhh! Inuyasha!" the villagers screamed as promised as there was another boom. Inuyasha crashes into the room where the very sparkly jewel rested and pulls it off the stand. He then leaves before the villagers can shoot more arrows at him. He then starts on his first monologue, explaining that the jewel will give him power, blah blah blah....

"Inuyasha!" a woman's voice shouted. An arrow is shown flying towards him, and then everything went black. As an arrow piercing someone and a bleeding woman who gets cremated is too much to show to a child.

The next scene shows a place in modern times. The place is somewhere in an English speaking country as every single piece of Katakana, Hiragana, Kanji and otherwise is removed from the background. It shows Sarah, not Kagome, (because even Japanese names are censored) leaving for college, because only girls over 18 can wear skirts like that. Gone was the first scene of a teenage girl being explained to her Grandfather what the Shikon no Tama (which will have some new fascinating name) as the editors did not find this useful.

She says goodbye to her grandpa, as she no longer has a mom because 4kids has problems with children that have living parents. As she heads out of her property, she sees Robert (Souta), her neighbor, as 4kids has problems with siblings too. "What are you doing here, Robert?" she asks politely.

"Oh! Sorry Sarah. My cat, Kitty (Buyou), went down into your magic storage room again." Because wells in English countries are made of stone, are circular, and don't have their own living corridors.

"Silly Robert, the magic storage room hasn't been magical for thousands of years!" Sarah laughed, devoid of character and a good voice actress.

"What m-makes you s-sure there s-s-still isn't magic?" the actress who played Robert tried to sound scared, but only sounded like she had a stuttering problem.

"Because there is no such thing as magic." Sarah said oh-matter-of-fact-ly as she unlocked and opened the door, creepy music began to play. In fact, there has been quite music playing in the background and none of it was any of the original soundtrack. People actually went out of their way to make a new crappy soundtrack for a show that didn't need it. And not only that, parts of the original episode that had no soundtrack whatsoever now did. Because it's a cartoon and so it has to be happy all the time and it must be for kids.

What were those darn Japanese thinking?

"There," Sarah sighed, "Now you can get Kitty."

"I-I'm s-s-sorry S-S-Sarah, b-b-but I-I'm t-t-to s-s-scared t-to go d-down there." the actress playing Robert just did something called overacting, but it was ignored as that is considered good voice acting for some foreign show they didn't even bother to brief the actors about the story.

Sarah sighed again and walked down into the magic storage room. "Here, Kitty Kitty," she called. Some loud scratches where heard coming from a box in the middle of the room but were not heard or ignored by the humans. When Sarah found Kitty she picked him up and declared victory. "Oh yea! Score one for-" she was interrupted by the cracks in the wooden box behind her. Robert gasped as glowing hands grabbed Sarah and pulled her down the well- I mean, magical box. Everything went black again because we can't have half naked centipede woman regrowing flesh and licking Kagome and having an arm get blown off.

Suddenly, commercials break in showing near naked muscle people walking around a Bowflex. If you don't believe this really happens, go watch some 4kids or Foxkids on television or something. There will be another commercial informing you about prostate issues. You know, because kids really want to see that kind of stuff.

I can't make shit like this up.

After the commercials, Sarah wakes up in the bottom of the well (It's a well now because they can't deny it). "Golly." was Sarah's first word., "I guess I should take a look around." Then because the editors were bored, they immediately cut to the part where she is out of the well. After a brief examining of her surroundings Sarah spoke up once more. "Well Toto, I guess we're not in-"

That stays in tact because the joke is so bad. 4Kids and Foxkids love that stuff.

She never comes across Inuyasha, as right now there is an arrow in his chest and children can't see that. Ka-auugh- Sarah, starts shouting about being lost and then gets taken by the villagers suddenly. So very suddenly. Ropes, spears, bows and arrows are edited out. Who knows why Kagome is sitting like that. Kaede walks up and informs her that she is not in the past but another world (they changed it so there would be an explanation for all of those strange huts and clothing). The editors are hoping the kids will just take the excuse that she just knows stuff because she's old. Kaede then takes Kagome to the hut and introduces herself as Big Mama. She's never had any kids, but hey.

"You look exactly like Kiki, my sister who disappeared from our village fifty years ago," Big Mama said as if there was no problem with the dialog. A show that makes sense, thinks the editors, just would never process through a small child's head. Also, take a good look at that stew, that will be one of the few food items that isn't censored.

As Big Mama explains the dangers and wonders of the world Sarah now resides in, the giant centipede attacks the village. They censored the only good part of the demon and put an actual centipede face there instead. So now it's just a freaking huge centipede. It breaks a few houses, some people scream. Sarah meanwhile, is getting out of dodge. The centipede follows her, who knows why. Maybe her legs looked tasty.

"Please, somebody help me!" There is the sound of the wolf call along with the camera speeding through the forest, before you can see Inuyasha however, another commercial break floods in. Children just can't seem to control their bladders.

After another Bowflex filled break, it shows Sarah and the rest of the village fighting off the large monster. Through awkward censoring with the help of taking scenes from other episodes, comes the epic fight between Inuyasha and centipede. Yep, he's just been waiting in the forest this entire time waiting for his calling of his one true master.

Somewhere in the fight, the magic jewel suddenly appeared out of Sarah. Magically. Blood is painted out and replaced with sparkles. After the many legged creature dies, Inuyasha turns to Sarah and tells her they were destined for each other.

"Yes! I want to be your friend!" Kagome put a hand on her heart.

"Gee Gosh, I never had a friend before!"

Those who have been paying attention will realize that we are in the second episode now. As the editors cut so much from the first, they decided to stuff in as much as they could from the other episodes. You know, because it works so well with stuffing up a turkey's ass.

And because they are suddenly best friends most of episode two is cut out. Inuyasha is suddenly wearing a necklace and there is no cut in Sarah's shirt either (because the jewel magically showed up), it's been painted over. Also, no naked swimming. We can't have that.

So Sarah, determined to see if there was a way to get back, goes into the forest to see if there was a way through the well and eventually gets kidnapped. After some time went by Inuyasha, concerned for his friend, goes to look for her. He comes in on time to save her not from a zombie, but a big stupid fat guy. We don't want scary and offensive. Stereotypes help children's minds grow.

Sarah asks the man why he is doing this, the answer comes like so,

"Because I want to take over the world!"

Then Inuyasha kicks his sorry ass- sorry, I mean face. At no point in the anime did Inuyasha kick the tall stupid man in the butt.

The man falls over with a proclaimed, "Ouch!" and Inuyasha turns again to see if Sarah is alright. It was then they discovered the jewel was missing.

"Well, I'm sure it can't be to far-" Inuyasha then sees a random demon crow grab the jewel and fly off with it, "ahhhh!"

Being friends, it didn't take long for them to think that teamwork would be the best thing ever. Kagome grabbing her bow and arrows from nowhere. Yes, these weapons were not censored. As long as they are being used against things that aren't human-like, it's okay. It's totally not racist at all.

The crow swallowed the jewel as normal, but begone was the fight which got them separated, because that was negative. And the part were the crow took a small child was removed too. No one in the real world would ever dare think of harming a child. It's unthinkable.

Since the child wasn't taken, there was no severed limb. How did Sarah managed to hit the crow? Why, she just can! She's such a natural the villagers commend her for it. But when she hits the crow, something bizarre happens. The editors keep the original scene of the crow blowing apart and the jewel shatters. As the pieces fly off, you watch in amazement that ten seconds just went by with no editing.

"I... I have a bad feeling about this."

Later, you see the two in the forest, trying to find the jewel. Sarah picks up a piece and Inuyasha asks what she has.

"I think... I think it is a piece of the rainbow jewel." Inuyasha blows it off,

"That's okay Sarah, we can collect the shards of the rainbow jewel together!"

Then Big Mama does a voice over, "And so our heroes, Sarah and Inuyasha begin their wonderful journey together. How long will it take for them to fix the jewel? What wonders will they see on their adventure? What new friends will they make? Are there enemies in their wake? Find out on the next episode of Inuyasha!"

The episode ends and the ending credits begin. Which is basically the beginning song but with credits slapped on. As you watch with tears in your eyes, you wonder if it can't get any worse. And it will. Yes, it won't stop there.

Miroku will be renamed Mike. Women and men alike will only hate him not because he is lecherous, but because he spouts off horrible jokes. The black hole is not passed through the family and is no longer a curse. It is a mark of the chosen one who is supposed to remove all evil. If Buffy the Vampire Slayer were made for kids.

Sango is now Sarah- oh wait, that name was taken already. She is now Katrina who owns a cat named Mittens. That big boomerang is now a kite. Shippo keeps most of himself in tact. The only major change is that there is no mention of dead relatives. So whatever possessed him to join is left in question.

Sesshoumaru is now Inuyasha's older sister Flo. Because the American editors are insecure about their masculinity. He never turns into his true form and his arm was never severed off.

Nacho (Naraku), who is now a daughter who was traumatized because his/her father had horrible burns that you never see, lived in a cave and yelled at her constantly. Crystal (Kanna) is a shy six year old and Coconut (Kagura) is Nacho's long lost sister and Rin (Rachel) just happens to be there. Like Jaken, who would've been called Yoda if it weren't for copyright.

Believe it.

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Dear Certain Animation Companies,

You say you only censor for the sake of the children. If this is the case, why don't you just get one of the thousands of shows that are directed for the 5-10 year old department instead of grabbing older kid shows? No intelligent parent is going to let their kid watched a show that has to be censored because eventually that kid will come across the original, and then questions will have to be answered.

Less censoring and music manipulating means you spend less money. And what is so wrong about expanding a kid's horizons? It's not that hard. You could educate a child in the way of the rice ball instead of insisting that it's a damn powdered donut. Yakisoba instead of spaghetti. To censor a culture like that is racist. Come on, education CAN be fun!

Love, Dancing Feather

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**Since some people can't be responded back to I decided I would answer their questions and such here. Plus, this will bring into perspective to other people who wish to review to know where I'm coming from. While I don't like thinking I'm an 'otaku' by any means, animation does mean a lot to me so please excuse me if I get carried away.**

To Chibi-no-oneesan: I'm not sure what you mean by English version. What are we comparing it to? Despite that, your next sentence has a good point. But the thing is, that may have been why they censored things before, especially since foreign animation at the time was strange and exotic, but those times are over now. While not every kid owns something connected to the internet, someone they know probably does. And that still brings us to the fact that they took time and money out of their day to censor and restitch now broken plots when they could have used that for decent translations and good voice actors.

Thankfully, it's now becoming more of a global acceptance that animation is an art entertainment medium, not a child rating. I find it a bit strange that video games beat them first.

Lol! Glad you shocked that person. Thank you so much for the review!

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To Seven Tenths: There is nothing wrong with liking the censored version of something (I am no exception!). I just think to sell a censored show without also having an uncensored one at hand (Naruto is the only exception I can think of) is very disrespectful. What bothers me the most isn't the lack of blood and naked parts, but the destruction of character and plot.

I was furious when I watched the first Pokémon movie in theaters, they completely removed the whole reason Mewtwo was a crazy psychotic creature in the first place. They censored the deaths of the little girl and the cloned Pokémon. For all you know, he was born an asshole and destroyed the lab for no reason.

In YGO they removed everything that doesn't somehow deal with the blasted card game. Because of that, no real character development. Someone watching censored YGO for the first time without any prior knowledge to the series will have no idea that Jounouchi (Joey) had an alcoholic gambling father. That he wasn't a retard, but that he really doesn't know any better. All this watcher is getting is cheesy random situations.

Bad guys who turn good have been censored to stay evil. Any time one of the major good guys makes a moral mistake late in the game is removed, because apparently there is no such thing as the grey area.

What also bothers me that while anime is censored, other animated shows which I consider have far more inappropriate material (like Family Guy) to be untouched by the censors (Robot Chicken's cursing is bleeped, but nothing else is removed). And that's where it eats me the most. People who are only familiar with animation like that see this, and they have no idea it's censored. Then they wonder why people like this crap, and I can't argue with that because it's true. Yugi is this shinning Gary-stu of happiness with a crazy haircut. That's something you watch to point and laugh at, not think about complicated back plots and character development.

I want people to realize I'm not bringing _American_ companies down or English dubbing. Because of the differences in cultures and language, some things just can't translate even if you do have great voice actors (Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei is a VERY good example). Every country on the planet has at least censored one foreign show before broadcasting. If there is a country that hasn't (don't be a smart-ass and say Sealand), please someone tell me, seriously.

The more you become familiar with Japan, you will realize that they care a lot about sexuality and violence. The rules just change when it involves entertainment. Why? _Because it isn't real._ There is no need to protect people who don't exist, it's a ridiculous waste of time. Hello common sense!

Being such a large diverse group, one shouldn't focus the blame on Christians. And believe it or not, Japan does have strong western religions in their country. While they are not the majority they are very loud on the political base. In the past, they seriously have banned and removed Japan's own shows off the air despite the fact those people could have just turned to another dammed channel or- hey! DON'T BUY THE MANGA.

It's all up to taste, but I only have so much money. Personally I'd rather spend it in a way to encourage the entertainment business to give me original, clever material. If I want stupid, it's free on the internet in every language.

Thank you so much for the review AND FAVE Seven Tenths! I really like your pen name!

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To translaxia: Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it so!

Yes sadly, strong views have developed over time when people keep looking at you like you have a mental disability when you say you like a certain show. As dubbed version of animes go, Inuyasha was very fortunate. But a lot of fans don't realize that and COMPLAIN so loudly. They have no reason to complain! At least they can buy the uncensored deal WITH the original voice actors at a good price! Pokémon, Digimon, and YGO fans don't have that pleasure, thus the original reason I was inspired to write this.

So far, Naruto is the only anime (well, that I'm aware of) that is being sold overseas with a censored dubbed version and an uncensored dub with a Japanese option a well. The censored is what gets aired on the telly. For those who have great internet access, they can watch the uncensored for free online, and purchase whatever version they (or their parents) think is best. This mainly happened because Naruto was first a manga and for a good lot of places outside Japan, that was not so well known and was more for the older audiences (I'm talking about more than ten years ago now, today is very different from back then!). So when they thought of dubbing the anime, there was already a large fanbase who already knew what the original looked like, knew what normally happened to dubbed works and so were very paranoid. But in sad turn, the manga has been censored down.

I'm not one for petitions because it sounds so forceful. The best thing to do with a subject matter like this is spread the knowledge. Try your best to keep a positive delivery to those who are ignorant and/or think they know all there is to these 'stupid' mediums. Some people sadly come from places that give them every reason to think lowly of such a thing, and it's best not to alienate them or else they will always stay on that side of the fence. Try to appeal to the difficult people by lowering the playing field without them knowing it. _"Yes, the series I am reading does look stupid does it? But believe it or not..."_

The next best thing to do with your friends is be aware of what you buy. Know the companies, or at least some background. DeyRay manga is only more expensive than all the other manga because they actually pay their translators well. Shounen Jump is the cheapest because they are a HUGE company that can afford it. TokyoPop has a lot of translating groups who get assigned certain series. So some series get translated beautifully. Others, we weep for.

While it has gotten more popular, manga and anime is still not mainstream. Companies are not going to invest in things that look like a marketing failure. If 'fans' really care and only spend money on decently priced well-made anime/manga/manwha/other foreign comics, that's what the companies will do. Like if no one complains about the gas prices, the gas companies will keep slipping the numbers up to see what they can get away with.

And while we are on that subject, for the love of God (or whatever you believe in), don't buy animanga! I have never seen such a cheap, rip off for easy cash do so damn well. If you loved the anime and you want to read the original manga version, then buy the original manga! If you love the cell-art, then buy the art books! Support the original creators!

Sorry for the long reply, I hope this answers your questions and more. I wish you and your friends luck in spreading the knowledge, anime and manga are just as wonderful mediums of entertainment such as movies and books! None are less, and none are greater!


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